There’s a disconnect here. I’m trying to lean into Jesus more. Really, I am. But it’s as if my intentions and my actions don’t always jive. I keep doing the “me” thing when I should be doing the “others” thing. I put my wishes ahead of what others might need or want. Take yesterday for example. I didn’t want to hang around at Park View until Mom was done getting her perm. I wanted to get home to unload the groceries and make some lunch. I knew Mom would be bumming if we took off instead of waiting to visit with her in her apartment. But I had my to do list and I was sticking to it. Besides, the kids and I were hungry.
I’d barely gotten the soup started and my cell phone rang. Should I ignore the call? Act as if I couldn’t hear it because my phone was still in my purse? Oh, just pick it up. “Where are you?” she asked. “I’m at home, Mom.” “Oh, I’m on my way to my apartment now. I was hoping you’d still be here.” And so the conversation went, including a, “I was hoping we could go outside for a walk together.” That one really got the guilt bug a biting.
Sometimes I feel like such a failure in the good daughter department. Mom needs me. I’m the one that’s 10 minutes away. The other seven siblings not so much. We just lost Arlene, my wonderful mother-in-law that she was. Why can’t I get it through my head that Mom might not be here that much longer either. Your time with her is limited, Rita. Start acting like it.
Jesus, help me to remember that the most important thing I might do today is spend one hour with my mom. Help me to treasure that time, no matter what.